It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
