those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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