omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Panties = found
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
