Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
