you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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