Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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