Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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