We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
