Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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