That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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