I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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