What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
