So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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