I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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