either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
