Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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