if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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