She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
