She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
