im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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