you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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