Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
