I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
youre lurking in front of me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
