i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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