your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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