I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
