If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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