She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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