THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
