Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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