I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dignity is for republicans.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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