I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
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Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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