I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
