I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
