i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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