i think i have two assholes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vagina is officially offended.
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