Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
