so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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