best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
