just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
PANTIES FOUND
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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