I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
