I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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