there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
