I skipped work to stalk him.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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