Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
