I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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