After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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