The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
