So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize