i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
