Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
