I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
