Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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