OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
