Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
