I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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