dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
