Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh god it's open bar.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
