Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I will be naked everywhere
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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